I’m finally back to taking medication after a couple months’ break. I would like to say that it is going well and I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel, but in reality as I write this my eye liner is running down my face and I look like a sad type of sea monster. Not that I really care about what I look like at this point.
Don’t do drugs, kids.
I took a break from trying depression medications back in March when my psychiatrist more or less gave up on me. Psychiatry is probably one of the most frustrating and inexact of all sciences. Doctors give medications to their patients saying, “Here, take this with breakfast. If you aren’t an insane person drooling on the floor by next morning, we’ll up the dosage.” My psychiatrist said this exact thing to me for about four antidepressants and one mood stabilizer. I was getting a bit discouraged from the bad reactions and lack of improvement by the last one. Imagine how I felt when she basically accused me of not wanting to get better and that my real problems are my overprotective parents and lack of direction in life.
Thank you! Now I finally know that my debilitating disease is caused by something that is quite easy to fix! I’ll be moving out just as soon as I have the energy to drag myself out the front door!
For various reasons, I decided not to find a new psychiatrist, and I quit my meds cold turkey. (Yes, I know that the latter was incredibly stupid, but nothing too horrible happened.)
During my time being medication free, I had to drop my only class because I could no longer remember how to do school work, I cried myself to sleep most nights, and I spent most of my waking hours surfing the internet for any distractions it would give me. A lovely end to my senior year of high school. (Woohoo! Best years of my life, here I come!)
Anyway, I finally went to see a new psychiatrist who I like very much. She has prescribed a medication that completely knocks me out so that I can sleep about twenty of the twenty-four hours in a day, and it has made my mood swings worse than before, hence the current crying which I can attribute to absolutely nothing that has happened to me.
It has also made me feel happy more often than I feel sad. I now have more hope and plans for the future. And the exaggerated mood swings mean I can bounce back more quickly when I’m really down.
This may or may not be the right medication for me, but I plan on continuing to work with my current psychiatrist. Doing drugs isn’t fun, but who would think that, anyway? (Said the homeschooled girl staring up at you with big, innocent eyes.) Fun or not, it will all be worth it when this depression is behind me and I can go back to only crying when I have a reason to. Or even better, back to living the best life I can.
P.S. I just went back and reread this post, and some other medication side effects I noticed are increased sarcasm and exaggerated statements.